Grief caught up with me today by Nina Liza

Grief caught up with me today.

My anxiety is through the roof.
I stare at the ceiling,
wishing things were different.
Not today.

A heavy heart.
Grief for the lost relationship.
Grief for the dog I lost.
Grief for myself—
the me I lost this time.

I’m trying to find myself.

Self-care is never pretty.
It’s hard.
Baby steps.
Always baby steps.

Just bloom.

That’s it.
That’s everything I have today.

I notice by: Nina Liza

 I know you will not believe me, but I notice everything about you.

I noticed when it will take days before you start taking care of yourself.

How many days it'll take before you'll change your shirt, or how many days it'll take before you brush your hair.

In those days, I just wanted to hug you. Hug you tightly until all the tomorrows run out.

I want to lead you out of your blackhole into my light, but I couldn't even find my light no matter how hard I tried.

Don't worry though, I will still hold your hand and sit with you in the dark.

I'll talk you out of every dark thought that you're having, I know I'm good at talking my way out of tragedies.

Listen, I will hear out all your stories, even the nonsensical ones. 

And I will only interrupt you to tell you I love you, because I do.

There was a point in my life where I wanted to purge you out of my system, but I never got enough courage to actually do it.

Because you're my twin flame, my soulmate, and my home.

there's no wrong time for the right person by: Nina Liza

I know this will hurt.

I don't want to live in your timeline, and it's not because I don't love you because I really do. It's because I love myself more. I need to love myself more, because at end of the day it's only myself that I have.

I wanted it to be you. I don't need you, but I want you. But you don't want me the way I want you and it hurts, it really does. We keep going back to the same circle, and I really thought we're way past that but we're not.

You helped me realize that my timeline is really off with your timeline, and I don't think they'll ever intersect. That is because I don't know the me that'll be in the future, but I am hoping and praying that she'll never be this naive.

I realized now that there's no wrong time for the right person, but you've consider this a wrong time. So, maybe I am not the right person and I need to learn to live with that. I do want you, I really do. However, not like this. 

I'll work on myself now, but thank you for helping learn my lessons, again.

Worthwhile by: Nina Liza

The lengths I would go

just to call you mine

are mind-blowing.

The surface cracks

every time your eyes find me,

and you see through

the deepest parts of me.

Every love song

is about you now,

and it’s insane.

The loving part of me

has been awakened.

I don’t know if I like it,

but thinking of you

makes it worthwhile.

What Warrants a “You Made It” by: Nina Liza

What actually warrants a “You made it”?
Is it the job you hold?
The title people gave you?
The family you were born into—or married into?
The cars you drive?
The house you live in?

If you drink instant coffee or brewed,
If you are a mom of four—or just a stay-at-home daughter,
If you bring yourself to the gym Mondays through Fridays,
If you eat your body weight in chocolate and ice cream,
If you work yourself to the bones for minimum wage,
If you are the first doctor in your family—or the first to try,
If you are sad and depressed, but no one noticed,
If you struggle every single day—

I don’t know exactly what warrants a “You made it.”
Maybe it isn’t the accomplishments.
Maybe it is the courage
To live your life fully,
To keep showing up
Even when no one notices.

So if no one has said it today,
Let me be the first:
You made it.

Welcome to the here and now. 

An Open Letter to my First Love

Dear You,

You may not know who you are, but I do. 

I thought he was my first love, but when I saw you again my world got twisted. It‘s funny, you are the first person I remember, the very first day I went to my friend’s place, you were stunned to see me, as I was to see you. Fast forward to now, there are still a ton of unspoken things between us, there were a lot of mistakes and now there are a lot of what ifs and what if it isn’t.

I don’t know what to say to you, and honestly it’s because it’s hard. Every time I see you, my heart wants to leap out of my chest and hide, and maybe it’s because I don’t want it near you. I always get so nervous that I don’t know how to act around you, and I keep on overthinking the things that should have been or should not have been. 

My God, I know it’s crazy. 

I really did like you, and I think I liked you for years.

Again, I thought he was my first love, but after many years, I think it’s you. 

It’s always been you.

Years may have gone by since I first saw you, but there’s still that feeling of unstableness whenever I’m near you.

I first met you when I was 16, and my God, I am now 24. In almost 10 years of knowing each other, I still get that feeling of unstableness, every time I see you. And you are not the best conversationalist, you are not the best person to talk to about certain things, but I feel happy whenever I get to talk to you. Perhaps it’s because you never made me feel stupid in sharing the things that bring me joy. It’s just a talent you possess, I guess.

And yes, I know that this is something that I need to work on.

I need to sort my feelings out and make sure you know (even though you don’t), because it’s not easy to express these sentiments. I honestly don’t want to see you again, because I don’t know what I will do, and if I’m being honest, there are still some blank spots from that one night. I am truly embarrassed about how I acted and I wish you can forgive me for that.

We may never have our moment together, but at least I know for myself, that for the briefest of time, you and I were there. I now hope that you are in a great place in your life, I hope that you have found somebody who will make you feel special, because you are.  I hope that even though you and I will never happen, you still consider me a great friend.

 

Because what we shared was magical. 

It was really magic, but it's now time to close the curtain and let you go or to let go of the idea of you, because we are no longer the same people we were back then. 

So, I want to take this time to thank you, for making me feel like my teenage self again. Thank you, for making me discover that I am capable of wanting somebody, the way I wanted you. Finally, thank you… for all the genuine feelings that you’ve helped me discover, because that shit is surreal.

I am forever grateful to you, but this is finally my goodbye.

Love,

Nina Liza

Burn by: Nina Liza

I have been burned already.

And yet…

Here I am trying

Once again

Always be Grateful by: Nina Liza

Always be grateful,

even if the world is against you,
even if it waits to see you crumble,
even if it craves your failure
in everything you try to do.

Always be grateful to those
who crossed your path—
they taught the lessons
you needed to learn
at the exact moment you needed them.

Stretch your fingers wide,
catch all that life has to offer—
the joys, the fulfillment,
and yes, even the pain
that shaped your strength.

Remember, suffering is not all life holds.
There will be laughter, love, and triumph.
To hold them fully,
you must first know the weight of struggle.

This is how I will Love You by: Nina Liza

In conversations,

in messages,
and even more in person,
I will tell you good morning
and goodnight—
never goodbye.

I will tell you that you mean
the world to me,
that I don’t want my world
to stop turning.

Every day, I will say
you are the most beautiful thing
I have ever held,
and I will never let go.

I will love you like the moon loves the sun:
always near enough to light your darkness,
far enough to keep us whole,
never close enough
to turn to ash.

Soil to the Flower by: Nina Liza

I am proud of you—
standing so tall,
reaching for the sun,
partly because of me.

I know you need me
to keep your roots steady,
to drink what I offer,
so your petals never droop.

But don’t worry, darling,
I will always be here,
quiet, patient,
holding you through the storms,
so you bloom fully,

and never fade away. 

Scream by: Nina Liza

I know myself better than anyone

I cut myself thinking I am no one

I watch the shows of fake friends and foe

I live my life in misery and in woe

People think that I am fine inside

However, that is not theirs to decide

I am lost in the world of fantasy

Thinking I am living in intimacy

Nursing the great pain and sorrow

Hoping it will be gone tomorrow

Living life, as if it is just a dream

But all I really want to do is scream

Girlfriend Material by: Nina Liza

They say I am girlfriend material—
that I can hold a man’s heart
in the palm of my hands
and keep it safe.

They say I am girlfriend material
because I think like the boys,
listen to Linkin Park,
wait patiently on the sidelines.

They say I am girlfriend material
because I laugh at green jokes,
don’t bruise easily,
learn when to soften my words.

They say I am girlfriend material
because I have the face to please,
the mind to challenge,
and a smile that never quits.

They say I am girlfriend material—
I go where I am invited,
speak when it is welcome,
try everything, as long as it costs nothing.

But no one asks
what I want to be
when I am not useful,
not agreeable,

not theirs. 

Math by: Nina Liza

If Math were a person,

he would be a complicated one.

He owns too many numbers,

and still, he calls no one.

If Math were a thing,

it would be a complicated one.

Admired by thousands,

and still, touched by no one.

If Math were a place,

it would be a complicated one.

Populated by many,

and still, visited by no one.

But Math is only a subject—

a very complicated one.

Taken by many,

and still, loved by no one. 

I’d like to think in the end it’s “Us” by Nina Liza

I imagine that we have built the house of our dreams, it has the front yard and backyard. We have three kids and a dog. The kitchen is all pink because I asked for it. The living room is all white, and we have this big white couch that is kind of a nuisance, since the kids stay in it so much and they make it dirty. We have a wall of books, with picture frames of exotic places and happy faces. Valentine’s Day, anniversaries and birthdays are immortalized with vases of Lego flowers because I do not accept fresh flowers and dried. 

In the Summers we have barbecues in the backyard and we will invite family and friends over and talk about life, while our kids run around and play with the other kids. Our Christmases have this big tree in the middle of our living room with tons of gifts under it. And when we’re older, our kids will still visit us every summer and Christmas. Because we have made them that way, they will bring the grandkids and the husbands and wives. And we will laugh with each other because we know we have made it. We will think to ourselves that this is the life that we have been dreaming of when we were younger. when we knew nothing about life or love. I hope that someday all of this will become our reality, and that you will be my endgame.

Orange Shorts by: Nina Liza

When I was a teenager I had these bright orange shorts, not neon, but it was bright

There was nothing special about the shorts, but it fit me really good

It even had a little hole at the back that I fixed with a dark orange thread

I used that short every chance I get, after every wash, that’s how much I like it

My favorite outfit combo is a dark blue Looney Tunes T-shirt and that orange shorts

I don’t feel particularly pretty in that outfit, but I feel very comfortable in it

I am so sure of that outfit, I can go out in it and I can certainly stay at home in it

Now, I don’t know where that shorts is, but I’m sure it doesn’t fit me anymore

Now, at nearly 28, I am wondering where the hell those shorts are

I am definitely wondering if they are giving someone the same comfort it gave me

If the bright orange has faded or if it is still as bright as the day I first got it

Well, these are just questions I thought of on a random Thursday

January 5th by: Nina Liza

Today is January 5th, 2026

I just got off FaceTime with my nephew

Before our call, I talked to my landlady

I paid her my rent and utilities for the month

Over my 4 years of stay in my apartment

We have bonded over sharing stories

And talking about public affairs

She shared, if she knew then what she knew now,

She will not get married, she will not have children

And she will spend all her life earnings 

Traveling the world and creating memories

And she will not regret one bit of it

I have been sitting with her words - pondering

I am approaching my 28th year in this world

I am unmarried, I do not have any children

I am in my 4th year of law school

I have a good job that pays well and

I have travelled to some parts of the world

In contrast, I am living the life she yearns for

And she is right, if she had my life 

She will not regret one bit of it, because I do not

Sure, there are tons of bad decisions 

I have made along the way, but it is part of life

Those decisions helped me understand “me”

However, the Universe has a funny way

Of showing us our path and where we end up

Maybe if she knew then what she knew now

And she had my life, she will resent it too

Hyper-independence is exhausting

And can eventually drive you to burnout

Maybe if she had my life, she will wish to get married

Have children, then grandchildren, and then more

I sure do, I wish that for myself, so badly

Maybe because I have pondered over what she said

I want the domesticated life, a husband who loves me

And the cute, adorable children running around

Life is messy, complicated and cruel

But it is yours, it is yours to do as you please

You can wish for things or work hard for it

Then imagine scenarios that fits your vision

Curate the life you want, one pink plate at a time

Schedule flights to places you have only seen on TV

Eat the food you can barely even pronounce

Sunbathe in the equator without sunscreen

Ice bath in the arctic with the polar bears

Learn to play a musical instrument in your 30s

Learn a new language or learn sign language

You have to understand, communication is a love language

Now, whatever you do with your life

Do yourself a favor and make sure 

It is something that your older self

Will definitely thank you for…