I Failed.

Greetings everyone,

How are you all doing? I hope you all are doing well, because apparently for me came my worst nightmare. I failed my Math 71 subject and I don’t know what to tell my parents or even if I have the heart to tell them about it. You see, people who knew me think of me as the girl who never fails, not in the simplest tasks nor in the hardest of all tasks. So it is hard for me to face failure of any kind, and this was not just a failure of any kind. 

I am attending a university nearly five hours away from my hometown, because I wanted to have that quality education everybody is dying to have. My family is never rich and can barely send me to college but I wanted so badly to go to a great university and so my parents let me go, even if it meant a great hole to their pockets. I owe my parents a lot, and as I am writing this I am filled with guilt that I failed them and I don’t know how to deal with it. I am embarrassed with myself as well, because my sister just recently passed the licensure examination for geodetic engineering, and I could never compete with her achievements, not that I need to but people is expecting me to do so. I really don’t know how to revive myself from this feeling of worthlessness that I am feeling as of the moment.

I am studying to get a degree in Statistics and my courses consists of Mathematics and Statistics, and when you are enduring that kind of massive information every day you tend to grow confident in the subjects that you know is of less importance. I know that it is entirely my fault why I failed my Math 71 subject I grew confident that I will pass because it is just the minor Math subject that we need to face, not realizing that it is a pre-requisite subject for me to move on to the higher mathematics. I am so stupid and I cannot blame any other person but myself on why it happened.

However, as I am writing this I realized that I cannot undo what has been done, I cannot turn back time and unmake the mistakes that I have made. I also realized that feeling sorry for myself is useless, it won’t lead me into that path that I wanted to take, and as well as comparing myself to other people’s achievements. So the best thing for me to do is move on, retake Math 71 in the next semester, focus all my energy into my studies, and to not let anything distract me from my goals.

It is hard to fail and everyone knew that; find me someone who does not think so, and I bet you’ll never find one. However, what is even harder is to condemn yourself to a lifelong misery just because you fail. And see, failure is a fantastic way to show people that you can redeem yourself especially when you are backed into a corner. In general, failure is not all bad, as long as you will realize the things that needs to be done to recover from it. So, stop feeling sorry for yourself and make your goals happen.

Love,

Niña Liza