Dear 19 year-old Niña Liza,
I am going to welcome you in like a week from now and I don’t really know what to expect, but I’m kind of hoping that you have learnt your lesson already by now. You have made a lot of mistakes in the past and I pray that you will not make any of those mistakes ever again, because God knows the outcome of those mistakes were never pleasant. Enough about the mistakes you have committed in the past, because you deserve credit, too, for discovering yourself even better than you did before. Without those mistakes, you will never be where you are today.
I am sitting here staring at my laptop wondering what to say to you, because I am in no position to give you advice nor am I in the position to dictate you what and what not to do. So, forgive me for making a mess out of this letter. However, just allow me to share to you what I want for you and what I don’t want for you, and just know that it is your every right to agree with me or not.
I know that it took you a long time to figure out how to love yourself. At first you thought that if somebody would love you, you would then slowly learn how to love yourself. However, that only made you miserable because you keep on pushing yourself to people who you think would potentially love you. You made it your task to seek someone who would love you. And you thought that you found that someone, but it turns out that that someone lacks the ability to love himself, too. So in the end it was a disaster for the both of you.
What I really want for you is to be happy in all circumstances; I want for you to be able to smile even when you feel like the world is on your shoulders. I want for you to eat whatever it is you want without minding the number on the scale. I want for you to travel to the different places that you really want to go to. I want for you to enjoy life to the fullest, make the most out of it while you still can. I want for you to show the world who you truly are, without restrictions and without unreasonable reasons. Finally, I want for you to continue to love yourself without answering the most stupid question: why should I? Because you see, you can only exist in this world once, so you can at least make it count.
Now, it is time for me to tell you what I don’t want for you. I don’t want for you to ever feel small ever again, to feel useless, and to feel unworthy. Because no matter what other people say, you are much greater than those adjectives. I don’t want for you to ever feel lonely and sad, because I know that there’s a hundred things that can make you feel happy. I don’t want for you to put other girls down, to be mean without any logical reason, and to be selfish just because you can. Because those girls are just like you and they need all the support they can get. I don’t want for you to stop writing, because your voice does count and writing stuff down make you articulate your thoughts even better. Lastly, I don’t want for you to apologize to anyone just because of how weird you are, that is what makes you unique and special and you should never apologize about that.
It is time for the conclusion of this letter, and I have told you everything that I wanted for you to hear. The best advice I can give you right now is: follow everything or not, just try to live your life without regrets and you will surely enjoy every moment of everything, because you can charge everything as experience. I will always love you and try to keep safe always.
Love,
18 year-old Niña Liza
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